818: THIS is influencing your behavior... whether you realize it or not!

Transcript

WEBVTT

00:00:00,059 --> 00:00:01,205
Hey, what is up?

00:00:01,205 --> 00:00:04,666
Welcome to this episode of the Wantrepreneur to Entrepreneur podcast.

00:00:04,666 --> 00:00:16,466
As always, I'm your host, brian LoFermento, and in today's Solo Sunday episode, I wanna talk about choosing our narratives, and I'm not just gonna give you that age-old advice of whatever you think.

00:00:16,466 --> 00:00:19,306
That's what you're gonna start noticing, that's what you're gonna start seeing.

00:00:19,306 --> 00:00:27,515
This episode is gonna take a really practical look at our narratives and, most importantly, our actions.

00:00:27,515 --> 00:00:28,925
I'm excited about this one.

00:00:28,925 --> 00:00:29,867
Let's dive in.

00:00:33,621 --> 00:00:36,286
All right, all things considered, I'm going to be honest with you.

00:00:36,286 --> 00:00:38,801
I am very excited about today's episode.

00:00:38,801 --> 00:01:17,405
I really am, because it's something that I've been thinking about a lot lately, but at the same time, I actually think this is gonna be a pretty quick and straightforward episode, because this is certainly not rocket science, and I actually hope that a really simple and, I think, slightly humorous story that I'm gonna share with you today is just a very simplistic simplistic I don't know why I put the emphasis on the wrong part of the word there, but it's a very simplistic example that, I think, is just going to illustrate the point that I really want to make here in today's episode, because it's powerful, all of this stuff, if we think about it and if we're intentional about it, then it can be a very powerful force in our lives.

00:01:17,405 --> 00:01:20,010
But, like I said, it's also very simple.

00:01:20,010 --> 00:01:30,055
So, first things first, today's episode really originates because this weekend I was hanging out with someone and she said to me she goes, brian, everywhere you go, you talk to everybody.

00:01:30,055 --> 00:01:32,950
And so it really got me thinking, because to me that's just normal.

00:01:33,040 --> 00:01:41,745
I mean, obviously I'm very extroverted, I love people, I love interacting with people and, it is for sure, true, no matter where I go, I always end up talking to people.

00:01:41,745 --> 00:01:51,281
And along those lines, though, I really started thinking yeah, why is it that?

00:01:51,281 --> 00:01:51,944
Like, where does that come from?

00:01:51,944 --> 00:01:52,206
Inside of me?

00:01:52,206 --> 00:01:52,930
Because not all extroverts do that.

00:01:52,930 --> 00:02:09,368
So I can't just chalk it up to the fact that I'm an extrovert, because if that was true, it'd be true for literally everybody but instead, when I really self-reflect, what I come up with is that I genuinely hold the belief I have the story, the narrative in my head that every time I leave the house is an opportunity to meet someone new.

00:02:09,368 --> 00:02:19,066
And that takes all shapes and sizes when I'm in a coffee shop, whether it's for business, whether it's for personal, for life, for hobbies, if I see someone with a tennis racket.

00:02:19,066 --> 00:02:24,586
A million percent, I'm going to talk to them, because I'm always on the lookout for someone new to play tennis with.

00:02:30,599 --> 00:02:35,651
So, at the end of the day, it's a firmly held belief in my life and in my head is that every time I'm out of the house, it's an opportunity to meet someone new.

00:02:35,651 --> 00:02:39,526
And so, as a result of that, what do my actions reflect?

00:02:39,526 --> 00:02:51,192
Well, if I leave this house, if, when I walk out the door, I think to myself, gosh, I might meet someone new today, Well then I am already operating from that belief system.

00:02:51,192 --> 00:02:57,637
So, chances are I'm going to talk to people, chances are I'm not going to have headphones in.

00:02:57,637 --> 00:02:58,080
Why?

00:02:58,080 --> 00:03:06,235
Because if I have headphones in, then I'm basically denying myself that belief to become reality.

00:03:06,235 --> 00:03:20,489
I am choosing to make it not true, because if you're wearing headphones spoiler alert all the millennials who are out there saying, oh, it's so hard to meet people these days Well, if you've got headphones in, you're already eliminating that possibility.

00:03:20,841 --> 00:03:25,890
As someone who talks to everybody, I don't talk to anyone who has headphones in If you don't have headphones.

00:03:25,890 --> 00:03:26,875
Anyone who has headphones in.

00:03:26,875 --> 00:03:34,419
If you don't have headphones in, though, you're fair game for sure, and so I just think that today, what I really want to talk to you about is whether our beliefs are true or not.

00:03:34,419 --> 00:03:35,725
Look, we've talked about it before.

00:03:35,725 --> 00:03:39,241
It's one of my favorite quotes of all time is that we don't see things as they are.

00:03:39,241 --> 00:03:40,685
We see things as we are.

00:03:40,685 --> 00:03:45,014
I very much believe that, but I'm not going to talk to you about that today.

00:03:46,262 --> 00:03:55,949
The older I get actually, I've been more cognizant of this fact lately that the older that I get the less concerned I am with being right or wrong.

00:03:55,949 --> 00:04:01,168
I honestly don't care these days if I'm right or if I'm wrong about anything.

00:04:01,168 --> 00:04:03,540
To be honest, I don't care if I'm right or wrong.

00:04:03,540 --> 00:04:10,592
It's just not something that bogs me down or makes me stop and think and question myself and all of those things.

00:04:10,592 --> 00:04:34,346
I think I've just accepted the fact that I don't know anything at all and I'm just willing to experiment, I'm willing to try things, I'm willing to hear both sides, I'm willing to hear anything to see what feels right, because, at the end of the day, I don't think any of you, any of us, know the reality about very many things at all, and so, with that in mind, I actually think the more important takeaway from this point I'm going to.

00:04:34,487 --> 00:04:41,170
I'm going to add on to my talking to strangers story in a second, because I think it's so perfectly illustrates the point that I want to make today.

00:04:41,170 --> 00:04:46,132
But really, what I'm getting at is that I don't care if our beliefs are right or wrong.

00:04:46,132 --> 00:04:51,081
I don't think we need to waste time trying to figure that out, because I don't think we'll ever figure it out.

00:04:51,081 --> 00:04:59,286
But what I do think we need to spend more time on is asking ourselves what actions do my beliefs lead me to take?

00:04:59,286 --> 00:05:04,466
Because my belief of every time I leave my house is an opportunity to meet someone new.

00:05:04,466 --> 00:05:07,862
Well, I know what actions that yields.

00:05:07,963 --> 00:05:10,369
For me, it means that I don't wear headphones.

00:05:10,369 --> 00:05:12,213
It means that I'm much more observant.

00:05:12,213 --> 00:05:14,689
I'm not very often on my phone when I'm in public.

00:05:14,689 --> 00:05:16,636
I am a chronic eavesdropper.

00:05:16,636 --> 00:05:20,086
I will jump into conversations or at least comment on things.

00:05:20,086 --> 00:05:22,331
I also have some social protocols.

00:05:22,331 --> 00:05:31,028
I'm not just going to be rude or jump in where people don't want others to be listening into them, but it really dictates some of my actions.

00:05:31,228 --> 00:05:37,033
So here's the story, and me talking to strangers is totally the spark of this story.

00:05:37,033 --> 00:05:38,238
It was just me being humorous.

00:05:38,238 --> 00:05:39,742
I didn't mean for it to be something real.

00:05:39,742 --> 00:05:40,745
But here we are.

00:05:40,745 --> 00:05:44,403
This is what happened today and it sparked my thoughts for this very episode.

00:05:44,403 --> 00:05:49,648
I knew immediately that I wanted to share this story with you, so I was on my bike ride here in Tampa, florida.

00:05:49,668 --> 00:05:50,310
I just got back.

00:05:50,310 --> 00:05:55,391
I spent a little bit of time in Northern Virginia for Easter weekend with my family.

00:05:55,391 --> 00:06:01,452
It was amazing, but being back in Tampa warm weather there's something so special about it.

00:06:01,452 --> 00:06:04,108
So I hopped on my bike today and I rode down.

00:06:04,108 --> 00:06:16,408
We've got this street here in Tampa called Bayshore Drive and it's the longest continuous pedestrian sidewalk in the United States of America Six miles of just no cars, none of that stuff.

00:06:16,408 --> 00:06:20,701
Just six miles one way, six miles on the way back, 12 mile loop on my bike.

00:06:20,701 --> 00:06:22,665
It is freaking awesome.

00:06:23,064 --> 00:06:29,151
And to kick things off, to get to Bayshore, I ride through downtown and I pass this bar.

00:06:29,151 --> 00:06:38,987
It's an outdoor bar, it's right along the river, it's right on the water and a lot of people are sitting kind of at the edge of it, overlooking the walkway, which is where I ride my bike as well.

00:06:38,987 --> 00:06:45,869
And this girl was sitting there good looking girl, and a few chairs down was this guy who.

00:06:45,869 --> 00:06:47,120
Both of them were alone.

00:06:47,120 --> 00:06:48,903
The girl was alone and the guy was alone.

00:06:48,903 --> 00:06:53,052
And so this guy was looking over at the girl.

00:06:53,052 --> 00:06:57,531
And this is as I'm rolling past, and sometimes I do things just to entertain myself.

00:06:57,531 --> 00:07:00,983
But as I'm rolling past the girl, I notice, okay, she's solo.

00:07:00,983 --> 00:07:03,387
Then I see the guy, he's solo, he's eyeing her.

00:07:03,387 --> 00:07:14,302
So I just pulled over on my bike and, just to be funny, I said to him hey, dude, I heard her say to her friend that she wants you to talk to her and he goes.

00:07:14,302 --> 00:07:15,867
For real, are you serious?

00:07:15,867 --> 00:07:17,365
I said, yeah, dude, you should talk to her.

00:07:17,365 --> 00:07:18,062
And he goes.

00:07:18,062 --> 00:07:18,886
Well, then you know what?

00:07:18,886 --> 00:07:22,805
I'm gonna slide right in while her friend's not there, because she was sitting solo.

00:07:22,805 --> 00:07:31,552
And so, as I biked away, I looked back and this dude approached her, and I obviously have no idea what the outcome of that encounter was.

00:07:31,552 --> 00:07:32,353
I have no idea.

00:07:32,353 --> 00:07:33,742
Imagine if it worked out.

00:07:33,742 --> 00:07:35,627
How cool would that be that I did this earlier.

00:07:35,627 --> 00:07:35,889
Today.

00:07:36,170 --> 00:07:39,110
I'm telling you this story about two complete strangers that I'll never know.

00:07:39,110 --> 00:07:41,920
You'll never know, and that would be so cool.

00:07:41,920 --> 00:07:48,786
But really, the reason why I'm telling you this story is because, as I wrote away in my head, I was like holy cow.

00:07:48,786 --> 00:07:50,271
I was obviously just joking.

00:07:50,271 --> 00:07:54,130
I honestly was literally just doing it to be playful and to be funny.

00:07:54,130 --> 00:07:56,449
I honestly didn't even believe that he would believe me.

00:07:56,449 --> 00:07:58,728
I thought for sure he knew that I was joking.

00:07:58,728 --> 00:08:04,269
I had a big smile on my face, I was half laughing and so as I wrote away, I was like what just happened?

00:08:04,269 --> 00:08:06,456
And so as I wrote away, I was like what just happened?

00:08:06,456 --> 00:08:09,083
How did my joke just influence this man's behavior?

00:08:09,083 --> 00:08:12,232
Because he was clearly eyeing her but he wasn't going to approach her.

00:08:13,261 --> 00:08:26,708
And it really got me thinking that, just consider his point of view when he's sitting there, probably the firmly held belief that he has that I think most people have in public is oh, that person doesn't want me to approach them.

00:08:26,708 --> 00:08:32,851
Or we can trick ourselves into believing that person probably is married or is in a relationship or wouldn't be interested in me.

00:08:32,851 --> 00:08:53,028
We have all of these firmly held beliefs or even loosely held beliefs, but they're beliefs that factor into our actions and so that dude, whatever beliefs he was sitting there with, I imparted a potential or at least a soft belief in him that she wanted him to approach.

00:08:53,028 --> 00:08:59,528
Now, whether that was right or wrong, I don't know because, quite frankly, I made it up.

00:08:59,528 --> 00:09:06,023
I honestly have no idea if she wanted him to approach her, but whether I was right or wrong is not the point.

00:09:06,023 --> 00:09:22,309
The point is that we don't know if I was right or wrong, but it still influenced his actions, and that, I think, is such a powerful message that that guy didn't need to know if I was right or wrong.

00:09:22,309 --> 00:09:32,532
All he needed to do was for him to believe that he had a green light, and that was enough for him to change his actions.

00:09:32,532 --> 00:09:35,578
And that was enough for him to change his actions.

00:09:35,578 --> 00:09:49,748
And so, riding away from that, that was like the first half mile of a 14 mile bike ride for me, and so I spent the next 13 and a half miles on my bike ride tonight it was a beautiful sunset bike ride I spent the next 13 and a half miles being like holy cow.

00:09:50,530 --> 00:09:55,392
Holy cow we act, we choose to do things.

00:09:55,392 --> 00:10:03,195
Our behavior is influenced by belief systems that it doesn't even matter if they're right or wrong.

00:10:03,195 --> 00:10:19,020
We act based on totally arbitrary and probably made up belief systems, and so when we wake up in the morning and we say to ourselves, my business will never work Well, whether you're right or wrong.

00:10:19,020 --> 00:10:20,446
I'm actually less concerned about that.

00:10:20,446 --> 00:10:24,221
I hope you can pick up that that's a strong theme from today's episode.

00:10:24,221 --> 00:10:27,890
Whether you're right or wrong about your business is not going to work.

00:10:27,890 --> 00:10:29,335
You're probably wrong.

00:10:29,335 --> 00:10:30,457
I hope that you're wrong.

00:10:30,457 --> 00:10:42,249
But whether you're right or wrong, that belief system in and of itself is dangerous because you are going to act accordingly you are going to.

00:10:42,349 --> 00:11:01,437
This is why self-sabotage is a thing I think all too often, if we meet people, if we begin projects, if we undertake a new endeavor any of these things if we go into it with the belief, or we foster the belief, that it's not going to work out, we will start behaving differently.

00:11:01,437 --> 00:11:02,778
It's a fact.

00:11:02,778 --> 00:11:07,335
We could apply it to relationships, to hobbies, to fitness, to business.

00:11:07,335 --> 00:11:09,626
We can apply it to literally anything.

00:11:09,626 --> 00:11:12,393
Whatever that belief is that you have.

00:11:12,393 --> 00:11:22,052
Today's message really is not about hey, if you believe it, it's going to come true, because obviously there's the law of attraction, and I love that Henry Ford quote.

00:11:22,052 --> 00:11:26,716
I've said it many times here on the podcast before whether you think you can or you can't, you're right.

00:11:26,716 --> 00:11:41,174
But I think what's even more important today is that recognition of those belief systems are actually driving and influencing our actions and our behaviors, whether we realize it or not.

00:11:41,595 --> 00:11:55,269
I think it was such a beautiful and simple illustration that that guy went from sitting there ogling over this girl at a bar, wishing that he could talk to her, to just some external influence me passing by on a bike.

00:11:55,269 --> 00:12:01,187
I really hope one day one of them listens to this episode preferably him, because he'll have this context.

00:12:01,187 --> 00:12:07,567
But it didn't matter that what I said was totally arbitrary, I was saying it just as a joke.

00:12:07,567 --> 00:12:22,135
What mattered was that it shifted his internal belief systems, which then produced or took shape in real life through his actions, and so I think it's really important for us.

00:12:22,135 --> 00:12:23,826
This is something that you all know.

00:12:23,966 --> 00:12:32,216
I do Sunday coffee dates with myself, and this is my self-exploration time, which is why, solo Sunday episodes I always have introspective thoughts to share with you.

00:12:32,216 --> 00:12:47,890
It's because, on a weekly basis, I sit down with me and I think about these things, and so I think it's really important for all of us to look inwards, not just today but every single week, and ask ourselves what are my beliefs?

00:12:47,890 --> 00:12:49,695
What do I believe right now about business?

00:12:49,695 --> 00:12:51,708
What do I believe right now about me?

00:12:51,708 --> 00:13:08,398
What do I believe right now about my partner or my potential partner, or about me meeting a partner, or about my health and fitness, my discipline, my motivation, my time, my family, my schedule, my plans, my finances.

00:13:08,398 --> 00:13:11,474
What are your beliefs about all of those things?

00:13:11,474 --> 00:13:18,335
Because if you're sitting there and your life is your life, that's a very simple fact, but it's truth.

00:13:18,335 --> 00:13:19,717
Your life is your life.

00:13:19,778 --> 00:13:38,996
But the reason why I say it so simply is because you already know how you act in all of those areas, and so if your thoughts and your beliefs are influencing your actions, well, in order to change and reshape your actions, then, gosh, we better sit down and get honest with ourselves about our beliefs.

00:13:38,996 --> 00:13:56,731
And that's probably why, if we have a spark of motivation, whether we listen to an episode like this one or a YouTube video or an inspirational audio, like I've been doing that lately on Spotify lately I love doing that They've got these really cool audio clips with motivational speeches over like really heart-pumping music.

00:13:56,731 --> 00:14:15,236
Those get me going every time, and so it's easy to get excited for a moment or for an hour or for a day or for a week, but ultimately, we're always gonna revert back to whatever our thoughts and our beliefs are, as they influence and dictate our actions and our behaviors.

00:14:15,236 --> 00:14:30,870
So I actually think if we want to change any of the results in our lives about all those areas I just listed health, fitness, wealth, relationships, business time, anything then we got to start sitting down and thinking about those beliefs.

00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:48,792
So for me, seeing that guy go from just sitting there to taking action today, gosh, it put something, it put a fire under me and it made me realize I need to re-examine all my beliefs about everything, because him just believing it totally arbitrarily, he didn't even need evidence for it.

00:14:48,792 --> 00:14:57,607
He just needed the very simple belief, as loosely held as it was, and that gave him the green light, that gave him the excuse to take the action that he wanted to take.

00:14:57,607 --> 00:14:58,871
Then we all need that.

00:14:58,871 --> 00:15:02,650
We all need to sit down and ask ourselves these big questions.

00:15:03,395 --> 00:15:04,961
That's it for me in today's episode.

00:15:04,961 --> 00:15:06,221
I hope this one resonates.

00:15:06,221 --> 00:15:08,745
Gosh, I'm all sorts of fired up after that bike ride.

00:15:08,745 --> 00:15:15,365
It was a beautiful bike ride but, granted, I'm super biased when I'm in warm weather, everything seems good to me, so I'm fired up.

00:15:15,365 --> 00:15:17,943
Hopefully this episode hits the way that I hope it did.

00:15:17,943 --> 00:15:21,361
Hopefully it hits you where you needed it to to kickstart this week.

00:15:21,554 --> 00:15:23,523
We are at the beginning of Q2.

00:15:23,523 --> 00:15:35,623
So much goodness to come over the coming three months and, of course, over the remainder of this year and beyond.

00:15:35,623 --> 00:15:40,921
So pound that subscribe button, because we're coming at you as always, five days a week every Monday, wednesday, friday, saturday and Sunday here on the Wantrepreneur to Entrepreneur podcast.

00:15:40,921 --> 00:15:47,039
Hey, it's Brian here, and thanks for tuning in to yet another episode of the Wantrepreneur to Entrepreneur podcast.

00:15:47,039 --> 00:15:51,028
If you haven't checked us out online, there's so much good stuff there.

00:15:51,028 --> 00:15:57,792
Check out the show's website and all the show notes that we talked about in today's episode at the entrepreneur showcom.

00:15:57,851 --> 00:16:00,240
And I just want to give a shout out to our amazing guests.

00:16:00,240 --> 00:16:09,015
There's a reason why we are ad free and have produced so many incredible episodes five days a week for you and and it's because our guests step up to the plate.

00:16:09,015 --> 00:16:11,059
These are not sponsored episodes.

00:16:11,059 --> 00:16:12,663
These are not infomercials.

00:16:12,663 --> 00:16:16,159
Our guests help us cover the costs of our productions.

00:16:16,159 --> 00:16:27,118
They so deeply believe in the power of getting their message out in front of you, awesome entrepreneurs and entrepreneurs, that they contribute to help us make these productions possible.

00:16:27,118 --> 00:16:35,606
So thank you to not only today's guests, but all of our guests in general, and I just want to invite you check out our website because you can send us a voicemail there.

00:16:35,606 --> 00:16:36,940
We also have live chat.

00:16:36,940 --> 00:16:40,784
If you want to interact directly with me, go to thewantrepreneurshowcom.

00:16:40,784 --> 00:16:42,960
Initiate a live chat.

00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:49,308
It's for real me and I'm excited because I'll see you, as always every Monday, wednesday, friday, saturday and

818: THIS is influencing your behavior... whether you realize it or not!

Listen On

Recent Episodes